My Spouse Won't Talk...


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The Basics...

What can you do if you're digging in, and ready to change your marriage, but your spouse just isn't there? You've had an argument or ongoing tension and he or she simply won't talk about it.

In this podcast Dr. Abigail Hirsch shares a variety of strategies for handling this challenge in a skilled and productive manner. The first step is to figure out why your spouse is hesitant to talk. A few reasons may be:

  • Spouse is hiding something he/she believes you will not approve of
  • Fear that you will respond too emotionally if you two talk
  • Spouse is avoiding acknowledging responsibility for something
  • Fear that spouse him/herself will become too emotional if you talk
  • Spouse wants to avoid a repeat argument
  • Fear that if you knew what he/she had done, it would end the marriage

To move on from this point, schedule some time together where there will be no talk about the issue at all. After you feel closer with a shared activity, make sure you promise to your spouse that you will respond calmly and supportively to whatever the problem is. Finally, using a letter to get your feelings across, or turning to a friend or therapist can help to break the impasse.

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