Why Do Fights Start?

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The Basics...

Do you have unecessary tense moments? Do fights seem to come out of nowhere? This short video looks at 5 reasons why fights often start.

Which ones apply to you?

Here are the reasons discussed in the video:

1. Toxic Words

Want to pick a fight? Using offensive put-downs will do the trick. "Why don't you just shut your dumb ugly face before it makes things even worse!"

Would you rather work towards a solution? Keep your language toxin-free. "I'm really really frustrated with the whole way this is going."

Power of Two teaches... Elementary school students taunt each other on the playground. Married adults should know better. No matter how mad you are, keep your words clean and tactful.

2. Losing It

“I just need to get it all out!!” is a myth when it comes to anger. Yes, sharing information is important. At the same time, screaming at your partner is a poor strategy.

Smart spouses know to cool off so they can share what they want to say in a way that is easy to hear. Taking a quick cool down break before you get too heated is a great idea. “I’m starting to get agitated so I’m going to take a walk around the block and cool down.”

Power of Two teaches... Build a loving home by setting a very low ceiling for angry words and actions in your house. Learning how to Exit and Re-Enter is a critical marriage skill.

3. Unfinished Business

Do the same arguments come up over and over again? Far too many couples let themselves fall into this trap.

It’s so much nicer to learn how to come up with a winning solution the first time a difference emerges! “Wow. It was so much easier for me to be with your parents last night since we made that plan before-hand. I’m glad we figured out such a good strategy!”

The Power of Two teaches... Great marriages solve problems by using collaborative, win-win skills to eliminate all of those repeated arguments.

4. The Blame Game

Nobody likes a nag. “It’s so unfair that you never help out with housework or the kids. Why can’t you watch less football?”

You can do better. Garner sympathy and support by describing the situation and what you want. Then ask for your spouse’s reactions. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I can’t seem to make any progress on my To Do list. I would love to hand over the kids to you for a few hours so I can get more done. How would you feel about that?”

The Power of Two teaches... Use requests instead of complaints and blame.

5. The Odds Are Stacked

Tired, hungry, rushed, getting sick, these situations stack the odds in favor of a fight. “Here we go again. You want to have this argument right when we sit down to eat, so be it.”

Feed yourself first. Everything will go better on a full stomach. “Listen I am really hungry. How about if we eat first and then figure this out after dinner?”

The Power of Two teaches... Instead of fighting fairly, learn to be fight free.

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