From "Your Way" or "My Way"
to "Our Way"

Click the image above to download and print out the conflict styles pdf.

What is this about?

Every adult has had a childhood. When you were growing up, your family had routines for the business of living together -- ways of handling cooking and cleaning, of enjoying and disputing with each other, of spending and saving, and of handling all the details of life as a family. In addition, if you lived on your own for a period of time before you were married, you will already have created some patterns of your own.

Now comes the dilemma. Marriage involves two adults, each of whom grew up with his or her own prior routines. That means that you as a couple need to develop shared ways of proceeding. Again and again, you will need to sort out whether to use your way, your spouse's way, or a new our way for each aspect of living together.

The win-win waltz can guide creative shared decision making in each arena of living together where your visions differ: "Should we keep the house spotless like my mother did, or let the clutter and dust build up until Saturday morning, cleaning once a week like your mother did?" "Should we save like your folks did or spend as I like to?"

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